Second time the charm

I used to write a tweet and now its pinned. It said "My heart so sincere its hurts"

I guess people keep wondering what does that means? I know exactly why I said it. After my last breakup, it has occur to me that I would never trust a guy again and little did I know I was fallen again. This time to a guy that never actually the nicest guy I've met. He always so annoyed at me, always pointing at my mistake and so on. But I know that just the way he is. He melawak like that. He can be sweet too. If you ended up knowing me. You would know I don't like guys that always puji me and stuff. I like his attitude. His ways. I think I can get by that annoying attitude and I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I met him at 24 during my last year of degree through my aunt. He was quite a handful and had been a reason that I smile for quite some times.

2 years later, after his game of disappearing and then resurface again and again. I found out that he is getting married. Am I sad? I am devastated. Am I happy for him? Of course. I know he is the kind of guy that think about his action through and through and he definitely been thinking about it. Do I know about the girl? Yes. He told me before about this girl that his parents want him to know.

I think this is a thing I should write about because I feel it my heart that I really care about this guy and I am a very hard person to feel this way. Two guys that I had loved is now married. I guess my jodoh is really hard then. But I do believe in true love. I know somewhere out there, there's a guy that can love me like I love him. This time he stick around and won't marry someone else. I hope.

Its my way of saying goodbye. It was nice knowing you. AK

Letting go,
Najmin

Najmin age 26

Alhamdulillah, I am at the age of 26. berhabuk this blog guys but it never failed to bring me back to my roots and how my story was being told by my young self. Whenever I'm writing again, I felt like my old self. The geeky Najmin who loves to write. Gone but never forgotten. I forgot how it felt like to write again.

So basically a complete recap of my life since I last wrote a blog. I'm not sure if I jotted this down before but I am currently in a rented room of a two storey house with a single bed in Puchong surviving this life alone. Yet again alone. and you know what. The transition that I did was not easy but it has been 7 months since I move in here. I had learn to adapt and just go with the flow. Here have taught me independence and able to do things on my own which I hated at first, balling my eyes wanted to go home a couple of month but here I am feeling like a totally independent woman.

I think I have my parents to thank, they never doubted me when I said I wanted to move, they know I can do it. I know I can do it but I know I had been a total princess before with them so maybe thats why I had not been able to accept the fact that I might not be able to have their help in my life again and its sucks.

But God is great, Allah is great. I am at a point where I can say that I have it all figured out. I bought my first car on May on my birthday. Both me and the roadtax of the car share the same date. haha. I am paying for my ptptn now. ughh I know. I have medical insurance, I have savings. I think I am at a point that I wanted to be in my life. Yes I haven't met a guy yet. I am not married yet but I am happy that I am able to think about myself and what I need as a person before I think about someone elses and you know what. I am delighted.

Now,  I am actually ready. I want to get married and have kids. This is my silent battle. People keep asking me when I am ready and are you not seeing anyone and why there isnt a guy that wanted you. I been asking myself the same thing. I never told anyone but I really am sooo ready to get married and have children. I have tasted the life of being a loner and I didnt like it. I want company so bad but I know Allah have great plans for me and I am a true believer of His choice and plans and who am I to questions His plan.

So I'll just wait and see. Alright that is it.

Talk to you later God knows when.