Careful what you wish for

In my last post, I had wish that I would meet someone that would love me like I love him. And in a blink of an eye. I've met someone and he is the nicest man I ever met. He was introduced to me from my uncle and he texted me. We texted and he immediately decided that he wanted to meet me. I was scared. He was older than me by a lot. I have a lot going on in my head.

He was a motor guy, he repairs motocyle. Big motocycle. He always show me his motor and when he asked me to go on a date with me. I was like is he going to take me with a motorcycle. I even offered to use my car to go on this date. But he said he would pick me up. I was like okay. On that day, he came and he came with a car. A bmw. I was stunted. I should never judge people before I met someone. I think to myself.

In a month, I've met his family and he had met mine, he asked me in a hand of marriage and apparently I have found no reason for me to say no and just like that, we are doing it. We are getting married. Everything had move on so fast and swiftly. I cannot believe it. I went to Parit Buntaq to his kampung and we went to look for a ring. I was supposed to get engaged on the 22nd of March but the world was shocked by a virus that have no vaccines yet so the world have been on a lockdown. So the engagement was postponed. The marriage was supposed to happen on the 24th of July.

Here I am, God have given me a chance to know him a little bit more than I supposed to. I think God have a reason for all of these to happen. I have been doing my perangai of making tantrum and he has been very  patient about it. I believe it is a good quality of a husband. Being patient of me because I can be a handful.

I hope this is a right decision. I have been nothing but feeling safe with him. Everyone have told me that I am very lucky to have met him even my dad so that is mindblowing to think. I just leave everything to God right now. If he is the one for me then he is the one for me. I am going with flow of life now. InsyaAllah in the future I'll look back at these moment and smile and think how fast it is I've met my future husband.

Almost 27 years old,

Najmin Roslan 

Second time the charm

I used to write a tweet and now its pinned. It said "My heart so sincere its hurts"

I guess people keep wondering what does that means? I know exactly why I said it. After my last breakup, it has occur to me that I would never trust a guy again and little did I know I was fallen again. This time to a guy that never actually the nicest guy I've met. He always so annoyed at me, always pointing at my mistake and so on. But I know that just the way he is. He melawak like that. He can be sweet too. If you ended up knowing me. You would know I don't like guys that always puji me and stuff. I like his attitude. His ways. I think I can get by that annoying attitude and I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I met him at 24 during my last year of degree through my aunt. He was quite a handful and had been a reason that I smile for quite some times.

2 years later, after his game of disappearing and then resurface again and again. I found out that he is getting married. Am I sad? I am devastated. Am I happy for him? Of course. I know he is the kind of guy that think about his action through and through and he definitely been thinking about it. Do I know about the girl? Yes. He told me before about this girl that his parents want him to know.

I think this is a thing I should write about because I feel it my heart that I really care about this guy and I am a very hard person to feel this way. Two guys that I had loved is now married. I guess my jodoh is really hard then. But I do believe in true love. I know somewhere out there, there's a guy that can love me like I love him. This time he stick around and won't marry someone else. I hope.

Its my way of saying goodbye. It was nice knowing you. AK

Letting go,
Najmin

Najmin age 26

Alhamdulillah, I am at the age of 26. berhabuk this blog guys but it never failed to bring me back to my roots and how my story was being told by my young self. Whenever I'm writing again, I felt like my old self. The geeky Najmin who loves to write. Gone but never forgotten. I forgot how it felt like to write again.

So basically a complete recap of my life since I last wrote a blog. I'm not sure if I jotted this down before but I am currently in a rented room of a two storey house with a single bed in Puchong surviving this life alone. Yet again alone. and you know what. The transition that I did was not easy but it has been 7 months since I move in here. I had learn to adapt and just go with the flow. Here have taught me independence and able to do things on my own which I hated at first, balling my eyes wanted to go home a couple of month but here I am feeling like a totally independent woman.

I think I have my parents to thank, they never doubted me when I said I wanted to move, they know I can do it. I know I can do it but I know I had been a total princess before with them so maybe thats why I had not been able to accept the fact that I might not be able to have their help in my life again and its sucks.

But God is great, Allah is great. I am at a point where I can say that I have it all figured out. I bought my first car on May on my birthday. Both me and the roadtax of the car share the same date. haha. I am paying for my ptptn now. ughh I know. I have medical insurance, I have savings. I think I am at a point that I wanted to be in my life. Yes I haven't met a guy yet. I am not married yet but I am happy that I am able to think about myself and what I need as a person before I think about someone elses and you know what. I am delighted.

Now,  I am actually ready. I want to get married and have kids. This is my silent battle. People keep asking me when I am ready and are you not seeing anyone and why there isnt a guy that wanted you. I been asking myself the same thing. I never told anyone but I really am sooo ready to get married and have children. I have tasted the life of being a loner and I didnt like it. I want company so bad but I know Allah have great plans for me and I am a true believer of His choice and plans and who am I to questions His plan.

So I'll just wait and see. Alright that is it.

Talk to you later God knows when.

Road to adulthood

I just finished my degree in September 2017 and now I am working as a cosmetic chemist at one of the well-known cosmetic factory in Kedah. I am thrilled as this is an easy path for me as I got in as a lab assistant with no interview whatsoever. As a fresh grad, that ain't easy but that is the road that Allah had given me and Alhamdulillah it has been over a month since I am here and the people here are amazing. I love everything about this place.

The chemist here treat me like a little sister and they always share their experience with me and I believe that I will learn a lot from this place. I want to forever remember this place as my first job and remember how I started my career from a nobody. You are a nobody now Najmin. Work your way up InsyaAllah. Absorb everything. 

I can't believe that my dream is coming true. I am doing cosmetic now and I couldn't be happier. God has a funny way of making me learned Chemistry and take me back to my passion. This job is really am close to the heart. I had come to a realization of what I want to be now and its funny because reading back to my previous post when I was unsure. It's amazing. 

I am going to enjoy every second of these rezeki that Allah had given me and wake up everyday being thankful. 

Alhamdulillah,

Najmin Roslan

Heart wants what it wants

I am in no mood to play around,

I am 24. I know I have a hard time finding love for myself. I don't know what I did in the past but it sure is painful now the world that I am living. Takpe Najmin. Kesedihan tu penghapus dosa. You'll be stronger than before. InsyaAllah. You will find your happiness. Just believe in God's plan.

Loving someone is very painful. Thats why I stay away from it the first place. But I can't help myself from loving someone so deeply. I need to stop doing that before I have no more heart to begin with. Haha. 

You need to make sure you fall for the right person after this okay najmin? Okay la ni hang lex luu abis degreeee dah kan? Kemonnn!

Muhammad Nuh B Muhammad Khir

11 March 2017

My nephew was born. I still remember that day where I was so excited that my sister safely delivered the little bundle of joy name Muhammad Nuh. But he was in Shah Alam and I am all the way in Kedah.

I was so happy. I love that my family is growing big and I am a makcik now. I don't mind that. First a makcik, next a mother. I am 24 for goodness sake. I have woman hormones. HAHAHA  kbye

Back to Nuh, I first laid eyes on him when my sister came back to Kedah for her confinement. Little Nuh is so little. He was literally less than 10 days old. Then I spend my time with him all thru Najla's confinement and I love him. I even love him before he enters the world. p/s : mothers usually feel that way. Not aunties but oh well I just so hopelessly sentimental that way.

Now its 23 July, 2017. I am on the night before my last degree finals. Will take about that in my next post and he is basically almost 4 months now. How adorable. He right now resemble a lot like my late grandmother on my mother's side.

He is literally a joy to my small family. I can't wait for him to grow up and read this post and see how much I love him even before he was born. Haih anak aku nanti macamana laa sayangnya. Oh well, lambat lagi kan nak kahwin. Hmmm.

Love,
Your hormonal Cumin,

23

A year older and a year wiser. Ye ka?

My birthday month is ending. Honestly I thought my birthday would be more fun but it wasnt. But I understand. People are busy. I'm busy as heck so yeah no time pun for celebration.

Yet another year I am all alone. My wish this year is that I am not gonna be spending my birthday alone no more. Ya Allah please. Next year please. Can I have someone that would treat me to dinner and just well celebrate with me. I don't want to be alone anymore.

Haha apa aku mengarut,

But I am still thankful that I have my parent and sister and friends. Alhamdulillah. Nothing that I can complain on. I always take what was given to me without complaining. My daddy taught me that and alhamdulillah for that too, I have become a person that really don't care. I can accept everything. Anything is possible. Goodjob daddy.

I am also grateful that I am still me. Nothing changes except I swear alot. The perks or maybe downside of driving a car to class. Not a day goes by that I didnt swear to people. Sorry people. But please just drive properly next time. Okay?

Alhamdulillah for everything that Allah have given me. And I am so grateful that things didnt change drastically over a period of 1 years. I am not fond to changes. I wish my parent have a lifelong life filled with Iman. And I also wish I can become a better person insyaAllah in the near future. Aminnn. 

Thanks for reading benda mengarut ni. Its late at night.

Najmin Roslan