All this time, I was not lost. I always have Allah S.W.T with me. Only Allah know how much I love my religion and He knows me better than anyone else. I talked to myself long and hard about hijab. I talked myself in, I talked myself out. I was actually stuck between my passion and my religion. The two that I have held close with me my entire life.
I was a dancer. Yes. 'was'. It literally killed me to say it. You asked me how it felt like? It felt like apart of me dies. But I know, its for the good. (Literally crying right now). I was so happy when I dance. It was my comfort zone. One thing I know I'm good at. My parents are dancer and I live with them my entire life so you may discover that dancing has been so close to my heart. But to dance, is to not wear hijab.
I can wear hijab and take it off to dance but I would be just a hypocrite. For me, its bad for the soul. To wear hijab is to know the right reason. For Allah S.W.T and that's the only thing I believe will keep the hijab for the rest of our life. And I was determined. I was ready before the New Year, then a slight doubt came across. What if people have only bad things to say? But of course I have nothing but moral support from my friends, acquaintance, boyfriend, family even strangers. I feel blessed.
Before I wear hijab, I always have this feeling that when my friend would stop at the mosque so we could pray, I would feel like I was disrespecting Allah's home by not wearing hijab to enter his house. But I know He of all people, understand how I feel like. I can't stop the eyes that were looking at me in disregard. I can't stop from feeling sad about it either. But I always have supportive friend that look out for me. Some have prepare a hijab for me in the car if I forgot to bring one to go pray. I love them forever and ever for that.
Misconception
When I was hijabless, I have been experience a lot of hatred. Not because of my soul but because of my appearance. And only God knows how hurtful it is. I discovered that some people feel like we are the lowest people in Islam and for me, its not fair. I may be hijabless but at least I learned a life lesson that I just have to treat people exactly the same way whether they wear hijab or not because we all the same in Islam. Allah loves ALL His people no matter what and He should have a saying in how high and low you were in Islam. I believe nobody is perfect.
Its about self discovery and finding yourself. I never went to a club or drink alcohol or even get out of the house at night just to hang out until midnight. My dad would literally kill me. People that don't know me kept talking like I done all of that stuff and I was devastated.
A hijabless friend told me that her boyfriend's aunt was bashing her about why did her boyfriend chose her to be his girlfriend ON THE FIRST DAY she met the aunt. Tell me if that fair? she's a person with a heart and soul and deserve a chance to find herself in her own way. She's one of the nicest person I've met. Just please get to know somebody first I beg you before you say anything mean.
I'm not telling you to not advice. I have a few advices that I received that touches my heart. Some no need of word. A friend of mine touches my face when I was wearing telekung and just smile. I know exactly why and it warmth my heart. A simple gesture goes a long way.
I hope this will stop people from judging without knowing. The most hurtful words are from those who we didn't know.
Me wearing hijab is not for anyone else.
Its for myself, my parents and Allah S.W.T
And I feel everyone deserve to feel that for themselves.
InsyaAllah.
I wanna thanks all that never judge me and never treat me differently. You will forever make a huge impact in my life, Humanity restores.
Yours truthly,
Najmin Roslan
No comments:
Post a Comment